Do you ever just have those times where you are so burned out on life and you just want to do all of these crazy things in exotic places and cry and drink coffee and scream and make things and sign up for everything?
That is how I feel right about now. Maybe this is just a part of growing up, maybe this is just the grungy weather that is happening in my part of the globe, or maybe this is just me taking a Pocahontas dive off of the mental cliff.
As much as I love my major, I just don't feel like teaching is where I belong in the world (sorry to get all Kumbaya on you guys). There are so many other things that I could be doing and loving more. Plus, every teacher that I have shadowed (at least ten) are super burned out, even some of the newer teachers.
As someone who is used to loving school, it has been extremely difficult for me to enjoy my classes this semester, which saddens me in a weird way.
And don't even get me started on the guy front...
Plus, I am doing an essay (for queer lit) on HOW LIFE IS CONFUSING...sometimes, literature has an uncanny ability to relate to my life.
So if you are confused or alone or burned out, never fear! You can, at the very least, eliminate alone from that list since I am right there with you.
If you haven't figured it out by my other posts, I love learning lessons. Life lessons, school lessons (occasionally), lesson lessons. I learn lessons from the weirdest things. Today, that weird thing happens to be Solitaire.
Why Solitaire, you ask? Well, due to the fact that I really don't feel like undertaking the undertaking that is my communications homework (I have no clue why I took two communications classes this semester, not my cup of tea at all), playing endless rounds of Solitaire sounds like a fantastic way to procrastinate. Randomly, while playing yet another game, I wondered what the point of Solitaire was. Why play it at all? It's just a stupid game, a waste of time. That's when I thought about all of the deep and thought provoking life lessons I have learned from a simple card game (which is my excuse to continue to play it and avoid my homework).
It's confusing as hell, but you can always ask for hints- Sometimes, I just have no clue where to put that stupid four of spades. Thankfully, there is a handy dandy notebook hint button that is there for your use (on my computer, I just press H). Life is kinda like that too. There are times when I have no clue where to go or what to do, and just need to turn to a higher power/my parents and friends, in order to figure things out. No shame in hitting that H every once in a while, as long as you are prepared to return the favor . --Insert cove/rendition of Lean on Me here--.
You lose occasionally, but there is always a new game- You aren't hired for every job, every person that you like won't like you back, and sometimes there is this season called winter that makes me wish that hibernation was something that humans did regularly. If you had everything that you wanted, life would suck. Think of all of the unsuitable partners, jobs that you'd hate, and physical and metaphorical junk that overcrowd your life. Argh. I would be a marine-biologist-priest-writer with some of the skeeziest husbands ever, and own a feret, parrot, turtle, dolphin, dog, cat, and frog with tons of tattoos, dreadlocks, and always wear those skirts that go down to your ankles. Oh, and my room would be decked out in Harry Potter and Gilmore Girls. Basically, I would be the hippie/punk/weird female version of Sister Wives and live in PetsMart (I went through an animal phase when I was little). Scary. In the words of Brand New, "everything that I own, starts to pile up like bones, to make the walls of a prison". Scarier.
Plus, losing makes all of the wins that much better. My current win rate is 14%. You'd better believe that I cherish each and every one of those victories. (Yes I suck at Solitaire, and yes I have no life.) I am hired for maybe one out of every twenty jobs I apply for, which makes me appreciate the jobs that I have earned that much more. There is more than one match in a matchbox for a reason. The first one doesn't always create a flame. Maybe the second one does though, and then you have a fire.
On a random note, Jimmy Eat World's, The Middle, has been stuck in my head while I was writing this chunkster of a paragraph, so here it is for your listening entertainment.
Everything is better with music. Everything. Solitaire, washing the dishes, homework, riding a dolphin(although if you're riding a dolphin, I don't know if anything could make that better. Probably not). Even reading this post. If you aren't listening to music while you read this, I feel super bad for you. So bad, in fact, that I am giving you an additonal music video for your listening pleasure. I am debating on doing a purely music post at some point, so I am not going to name specific songs, but my Pandora has been loving life lately, and has been throwing down some amazing new songs and artists.
Up in this part of the world, the temperatures haven't been in the double digits for over a week now. Windchill is the new four letter word, and the sky looks like nasty paint water after you finish a picture. Gross.
Because of this, here are some nice weather photos, just in case you are suffering from the same set of winter blues..
